In Remembrance: Paul Stover

The following post is in remembrance of my friend and Young Life kid, Paul Stover. 

YL Club at Grafton 123 - Fall 2010

Five years ago, I was a frequent customer at The Grafton 123 - a homey coffee shop in Grafton, WV.  It became my living room and my home base during my time in Grafton.  I started leading Young Life in Grafton in the late winter of 2008.  For that first year, I kept thinking "I just wish there was a coffee shop here".  I honestly was praying for a place to open up, but at the same time thinking that will never happen in this small town.  Well goodness gracious, one day I was driving on Route 119 home from the high school and I passed a sign that caught my attention on the side of a brick wall.  It said "The Grafton 123" and I wondered what it could be.  Someone later told me that it was going to be a coffee shop, and I cannot explain to you how excited I was to have that prayer answered.  I sometimes think the Grafton 123 was opened just for me as an answer to my prayers.  However, at the time I didn't know what an impact it would have on my life or the Young Life in Grafton WV.  

As a frequent visitor, I met the owner Mary Kay Stover.  I found out she had a son at GHS, a daughter at the middle school, and a son at the elementary school.  This was exciting because I knew Young Life could impact their family.  My Young Life team | The Fab 4 or Dream Team - as we so humbly refer to ourselves ;-) | decided to ask if we could start having campaigners at the Grafton 123.  We started meeting weekly with high school students and later started having Young Life club at the shop too.  It even was the location for our Grafton YL Music Video.  It was a perfect and central place for Young Life!  

Making the Grafton 123 my living room - I quickly met the Stover kids.  Paul, Morgan, and Gabe would frequently hang around the store after school to help out.  I would strike up conversations with them... convinced that Paul thought I was very odd for always being around.  I was a WVU student choosing to sit in a coffee shop and go to high school events in Grafton, WV... WHY?!  He would see me around school and the coffee shop and say hi because he was a nice guy.  Once we started having Young Life club at the 123 we would invite Paul to stick around.  He would politely decline saying he had to take his siblings home, go work on homework, etc.  Then, we started to notice that he would stick around a little closer to starting time.  He would help us move all the tables, set up the projector, prepare for skits, and then ditch out the door before everyone started to arrive.  As the dream team spent time with him, we would often say to each other - I cannot wait until the day Paul Stover meets Jesus.  He is a servant, he is kind, he is a hard worker, he loves people well, he doesn't know a stranger, and once he is following Jesus he will be a powerful force for the Gospel.

About halfway through his senior year, Paul started staying at Young Life club with both Morgan and Gabe too.  Paul was such a good brother to his siblings.  You could tell by the way that he talked about them and treated them that he loved them so much.  It was a gift that they could be at Young Life and figure it out with him too.  As the semester went on, Paul became good friends with us! We loved having him there to help and invite his friends.  Once Paul started coming (along with a few other seniors) more people started to check out Young Life from GHS.  He started leading people then - his siblings and his friends to Jesus.  

I remember we would celebrate him being there and the opportunities my friends and co-leaders Alex and Derek had to hang out with him.  Paul was working on weekends in the winter at Wisp, so he would crash with the guys in Morgantown because it was closer than Grafton.  I remember being so excited when the guys had a "guys night" in Morgantown the same night as our "girls night".  They came over and crashed our party! :) I think we all had the confidence and hope that with time, Paul would meet Jesus and his life would forever be changed.

Early 2011 

At our last Young Life club of the year, we reached 50+ students and I think it had to do with the influence Paul and his other senior friends had on the school.  We celebrated this victory by shaving Derek's head.  Paul had the honor to help shave part of it.  During the summer, the GHS team took some kids to Saranac Village for YL Camp.  Paul went to camp, heard the Gospel, understood it, and started following Jesus.  He didn't just start walking -- he started running after Jesus.  It was amazing to watch from afar.

As he began his journey at WVU - he continued following Jesus and leading others to Him.  I remember being at the YL Oglebay Retreat in January 2012 and seeing a few new faces in the room because of Paul.  I also remember my friend saying that Paul stood for a long time writing names of his friends who he was praying for to meet Jesus on the prayer list hanging in the cabin.  He truly believed that each of his friends needed Jesus and would invest in them and pray for them hoping their lives would change the way his had.  He went on to lead at University High School and this year became the team leader.  

I saw Paul just a few weeks ago at the WVU Young Life College country night.  In my heart I was celebrating in many ways the Lord has used the ministry at Grafton HS to grow His kingdom.  I am thankful to see fruit, because the Lord doesn't always grant us that gift.  There were new freshman in the room and seasoned seniors who are leading in a variety of ways.  It was so encouraging to see them - my JOY and my CROWN! I got the chance to sit by Paul and talk about life over dinner.  It was a joy and a pleasure. I am thankful I had that time with him in August.

After all, what gives us hope and joy, and what will be our proud reward and crown as we stand before our Lord Jesus when he returns? It is you! 

1 Thessalonians 2:19

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stay true to the Lord. I love you and long to see you, dear friends, for you are my joy and the crown I receive for my work. 

Philippians 4:1

One thing I loved about Paul:  Since I moved to Summersville after his senior year of HS, it was always unexpected when I would show up at WVU events.  Every time I would see Paul, he would freeze and just smile at me.  He would then run over and give me a big hug.  I know that he made so many people feel special and appreciated.  I always told Paul how proud I was of him.  We would joke about how he would ditch us for so long at the 123 but how excited we were once he decided to not only come to YL but most importantly follow Jesus. 

Goodness, I am so thankful for his friendship & his passion for Jesus.  He loved well.  I am so thankful that one day when I stand before Jesus our Lord, we will be standing there together.  

I am deeply saddened by the loss of a friend, brother, follower-of-Jesus.  I am sad for the many who will miss him deeply daily.  I am sad because of the earthly life he did not get to live and the potential that I know he had.  It's hard to comprehend and understand.  The verse I have been looking to as I mourn and think about my friend is this:

Oh how great are God’s riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand his decisions and his ways! For who can know the Lord’s thoughts? Who knows enough to give him advice?  
Romans 11:33-34

I trust that my God is bigger and will bring redemption to this sad tragedy.  I trust that many will come to know and love Jesus because of the love Paul had for Jesus and for them.  I trust that his legacy will live on because he lived each day to the full and followed Jesus passionately with his whole heart. I will miss you Paul, but I am thankful you are now with Jesus living life to the full.

Paul & I after Young Life club - May 2011

This is the hope I have, Paul had, and I believe Paul hopes you have:

 If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

Romans 10:9 

The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy.  My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.

John 10:10

Choosing to Love {Extravagantly}

I am beginning to read one of many books about marriage.  I am pumped!  I am currently reading Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.  Daaaang I feel like each sentence hits me like a ton of bricks.  Mainly because it is the truth of the Gospel as it relates to marriage.  And goodness do I have so much to learn when it comes to loving others and following Jesus wholeheartedly.  This life is an adventure and we are constantly learning! 

The chapter I read this morning in Sacred Marriage was about "Learning to Love".  It covers the greatest commandments, Love God and Love Others.  And the truth that, if we are not loving others - we are failing to love God.  (1 John 4:20-21) 

What I read today fit in well to a conversation I had with my dear friend in South Africa via Skype yesterday.  (Praise the Lord for technology!) We were talking about how hard it is to love others sometimes and Kait mentioned a quote that stuck with her in one of our other friend's insta profiles.  "Love Extravagantly",  it is such a powerful picture of the love God desires for us to have for Him and for others & it is also a translation of 1 Corinthians 13:13 (MSG)! 

A few good nuggets of truth from Sacred Marriage: Ch 3. Learning to Love

• "Christian love...must be chased after, aspired to, and practiced."

• "The beauty of Christianity is in learning to love, and few life situations test that so radically as does a marriage."

• "Yes, it is difficult to love your spouse. But if you truly want to love God, look right now at the ring on your left hand, commit yourself to exploring anew what that ring represents, and love passionately, crazily, enduringly the fleshly person who put it there. It just may be one of the most spiritual things you can do."

Then I was reading a blog and it quoted my favorite quote from Tim Keller's The Meaning of Marriage.  I have the audiobook version and I remember listening to this quote and re-listening to it a few years ago thinking -- this is what I want to find.  We are imperfect people.  We mess up. We are selfish.  We hate when we want to love. We put ourselves before others.  And this quote is a powerful reminder of how to view "falling in love".  

• “Within this Christian vision for marriage, here’s what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of the person God is creating, and to say, “I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to his throne. And when we get there, I will look at your magnificence and say, ‘I always knew you could be like this. I got glimpses of it on earth, but now look at you!’” - Timothy Keller (The Meaning of Marriage)  

Another related quote from Sacred Marriage is: 

• "Marriage requires a radical commitment to love our spouses as they are, while longing for them to become what they are not yet.  Every marriage moves either toward enhancing one another's glory or toward degrading each other." - Dan Allender and Tremper Longman III.

I am praying for a continued love for God and love for my future husband, Charles :).  I am thankful for this new journey and for the opportunity to know the love of God more through the covenant of marriage.  

What Do You Love...?

Titus 2:3b-4

Older women...they are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands...

The Word encourages us to learn from those who have gone before us.  I have done that in many areas of my life over the years.  Now, I am so excited to look to those who have gone before me in marriage and learn from them.  This week I read an article about marriage and it asked the reflective question: 

What do you love about your husband? 

So after reading some of the comments from strangers at the bottom of the article, I thought, I should ask this to my sweet friends!  The responses have been so encouraging, hopeful, fun, and beautiful.  As the tweet with the article stated, "Marriage is funny and fragile and hard and wonderful all at the same time." I realize there are so many seasons of life and ups and downs in marriage.  And I am so thankful to hear from those who have been on the ride: newlyweds to thirty years! 

Here are some of the responses I got back:

His steadfastness

His pursuit of Jesus and of me

His leadership

He chooses joy despite life circumstances

Our same priorities

He can be silly

He is committed to our marriage

He values family

His love of Jesus 

He learns how to love me better

His sense of humor and laughter

He is my best friend

He knows me better than anyone else

He challenges me 

He makes me feel protected and safe

He loves me in my craziness 

He has an attitude of adventure

He is welcoming and hospitable

and many more

I really feel blessed to be able to learn from these ladies.  To ask them questions in the future about marriage, life, difficulty, love, etc.  I am thankful for their honesty.  I am also thankful for their husbands! The men who have chosen and keep choosing to love these special women! I am thankful that the Lord is faithful. 

Make thankfulness your sacrifice to God, and keep the vows you made to the Most High. 

Psalms 50:14 NLT

The tweet mentioned above: @incourage: "Marriage is funny and fragile and hard and wonderful all at the same time."http://t.co/2T6pUtXCJ8 #inbooks 

Engagement: Preparing for Marriage

Since high school I have greatly enjoyed reading relationship and marriage books (#nerdstatus).  I loved reading articles and what others had to say about relationships, even when I wasn't in one.  I just love studying people and behaviors and life!  I have watched as many of my friends have married in the last six years. Getting the chance to listen to others' experience, opinions, encouragement, and wisdom made me hopeful and excited.  For a season, I had to put all those 'relationship' books away because in my deep longing for a husband, reading them stirred up bitterness and discontent.  Thankfully the Lord satisfied my longing heart with himself, showed me who I am as his precious, beloved daughter, and used those years to shape me, change me, and grow me!

Now, I am excited to get a chance to have conversations with friends, pick up books, and read online articles and blogs with my man and the future we are about to embark on in mind. I am ready to read, listen, and learn from others who have gone before me!

I hope to share this journey with you as you wait, prepare, and enjoy your marriage from the Lord. I want to share what I am reading & my thoughts about it! Feel free to comment and share additional thoughts about the topics of conversation!

A Warning to Women from The Resurgence

{ The following words are directly from ^ }  

 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. - Proverbs 31:30

Eve was propositioned with a simple question from the snake and her resulting conclusion was, ”God is holding out on me. I deserve better than this. My eyes are delighted and my desire is stirred (Gen 3:6) – I think I’ll take this matter into my own hands.”

Eve had no fear of the Lord. In that moment, she did not:

     Cherish God's provision

     Trust God's goodness

     Believe in God's promises

It starts with recognizing that the scariest place to be is away from him and the safest, most peaceful and joyous place to be is holding hands with Dad.

{Back to my thoughts}

I know that over the last few years, two of my go-to verses {when I was having a pity party or discontent or overcome by longing} were Psalm 34:8-10 & Psalm 84:10-12. Both of these verses cut deep to my selfish and sinful heart.  They spoke the truth I needed to hear.  They gave perspective to my misguided attention.  They humbled me to see the truth about myself and my God.  

The lie from the enemy all along has been - "the Lord is keeping good things from you.  He doesn't love you.  He doesn't want what is best for you.  You can have what is better if you just take things into your own hands."  Oh how I wrestled with these lies {and still do}.  Over and over again, my Father would gently and lovingly remind me, "I do not withhold good from you.  I will give you everything you need.  There is nothing better than being in a relationship with me, my daughter.  If you don't have it, you don't need it right now."

Psalm 34:10 "The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing"

WOW! In seeking the Lord, his promise is that you will not lack any good thing. How hard is it to believe that?! So hard! Praise the Lord for his grace and continual reminders of his goodness even when I forget or believe the lies of the enemy.

We are so dearly loved by a God who can provide every single thing that we need! And he will provide it in His perfect timing.  We have everything we need and more in a relationship with Him.  "For those who fear him have no lack!" (vs. 10)

From one life student to another --- may God bless, love, and encourage you with his words of truth and the community of people he has given you!